FRANCISCO CHAVES
B l o g
Comparing yourself with others
You can now play your instrument. You can even do some nice melodies. You played some nice songs for your cousin's birthday party. You feel good, you feel awesome, you made progress (yey!) and then, suddenly, it happens: The decisive event: you meet someone who plays way better than you. Three behaviors are possible:
1) You get motivated / inspired to learn more. You start practicing 25 hours a day because you aspire to be that "someone" or "reach that level".
2) You feel bad, start crying and give up on your instrument.
3) You just ignore the event, go on with your life and that's it.
Of course, the first scenario is better, but how can we be masters of our own thoughts? How can we make this "event" into an opportunity for learning, instead of feeling bad for someone else playing better?
Self-Esteem
This is a key word and mindset and usually this makes all the difference while learning.
This a general problem in our society and, unfortunately, many pop-artists and book authors give a positive message to their readers: "You are beautiful." "You are intelligent." "You are special."
What is wrong with "Positive messages"?
This, in my opinion, DOES NOT SOLVE the problem. It only worsens it. It focus on "what you are", and not: "what you could become" or "what you did". If you meet someone who is sick and is having an hard time and you tell them: "You look great! You are fantastic, you are awesome!" It will only make the person feel worse. Because they don't feel fantastic, they don't feel awesome. It creates an uneasy, insecurity feeling in the person.
So, what should I say? How should I think?
With my students, I focus on what they do and what they did right, not what they are as human beings. That is up to them to decide for themselves. I will usually say: "Wow, you played this really well! This section sounded really nice!". I am not telling them: "You play really well.", "You are good", I say instead: "This song sounded nice!" "You PLAYED really well".
There is a crucial difference in saying: "You PLAY good" and "You PLAYED good".
The first one creates a mindset of: "I´m good. So, if I´m good and I play good, I don't need improvement." Then, you meet someone who plays better than you and it triggers again your insecurity and makes you question if there is something wrong with you. (If "I am good" as people tell me, why can't I play like X and why do I feel so bad?)
Reminding Past achievements
The second phrase: "You PLAYED good" reminds you of a past achievement. It's not an abstract "positive message" that you read in a book somewhere to make you feel good. It's a statement: You DID something good! I am not lying to you or "trying to make you feel better". I am just stating a fact: You played something good. That triggers a chain of thoughts: "If I did something good in the past, that means that now I am capable of doing something good again. I can do this!"
I made a graphic summarizing this thought process.
Create a list of your achievements
If you struggle with this problem, the best thing is to remind yourself of your past accomplishments. We all started from zero. You are now at a stage that you can play some songs, but when you started, you knew nothing. You grew as a person. You evolved. You became better. This is valid not just for music but for everything. Perhaps you feel bad because you can't play that "crazy difficult piece", but you must remind yourself that months/years ago, you couldn't play a single thing. You made progress and it took some effort to do it. You worked hard and you accomplished something.
Can you repeat that process? If you ask me, I think you can. Not because "you are a hard-working", but because "you worked hard" (see the difference?).
So, next time, use comparison as a good thing and not a bad thing. Compare yourself with others in a positive way, let yourself be inspired.
Videos about Mindset:
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjBdcyueom8