"Ignore the haters and move on" - Why I think that is terrible advice

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          In this post, I´m gonna share an experience I had August of 2019. I gave a presentation about Film and videogame music for a group of kids in my home village: Castro Verde, Alentejo, Portugal. Several people asked me: Did they liked it or not? Were they bored? Were they engaged? Yes, hmmm, no, I mean, it's complex. Here's the full story.

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I had two groups. One had 10 kids and the other had 11. They did a similar activity:

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- Listening to film and videogame music (example: Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc.)

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- Learning about the Orchestra and its instruments.

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- Listening more modern soundtracks with modern, electronic sounds (Starbrawls, Fortnite).

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- I played for them in the Mini Keyboard, making a quick improvisation for them.

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- Trying out Synths and VSTs.

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After the activity was done, I asked the educator who was accompanying them to please make them write a review and rate me from 1 to 5. I asked the teacher to not make them sign the paper and they had no idea I asked for the review and that I would see them. This allows me to get absolute honesty from them (I hope!).

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Here are the results of the first group:

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Grade 1 (the worst) - zero (0%)

Grade 2 - four (40%)

Grade 3 - two (20%)

Grade 4 - zero (0%)

Grade 5 (the best) - four (40%)

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Average score: 3.4

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Some of the students thought the activity it was boring. Others thought it was awesome and they enjoyed. What did I do wrong?

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I can just take the praise I got and ignore the criticism. But I´m obcessed in learning and improving myself. One comment sparked my interest:

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"It was boring, we coudn't participate in anything, we could only touch the piano, the mister wanted to do everything."

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He had a point. I was affraid the kids would damage the piano, I let them play, but in a very controlled enviroment, I was picking the sounds. I was not really "letting them be free".  I was affraid of the chaos and controlled the situation maybe too tightly. For some kids, this was no problem, but for others it was a let down. Kids are a very sensitive and emotional audience. They love something. After 10 minutes, they hate it. We can easily ignore those comments and say:

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"Come on! They are just kids! You had people who enjoyed it! You can't please everyone! That's just life"

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Those are true and wise words. But I have to give my best. Everytime. That is my life philosophy. In the second group I gave a similar presentation but left them a bit more "loose" to try out the piano. You won't believe the results:

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In 11 kids, I got...

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Grade 1 (the worst) - zero (0%)

Grade 2 - zero (0%)

Grade 3 - zero (0%)

Grade 4 - zero (0%)

Grade 5 (the best) - eleven (100%)

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Average score: 5.0

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Yes, you are seeing it right. I got ONLY five star reviews. 100% happiness. 100% success. Just by making this small change. I was awestruck! I even thought my collegue removed the negative comments! (She didn't. There were none.)

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We ignore the bad comments. They hurt our feelings. It was hard for me to read the papers saying "It was boring". Several of them... I don't want to ignore them. I want to understand them. How many times did I hear the following advice:

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"Just be yourself, go on and ignore the negative comments."

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No, like... really, no. You should do the opposite. You should embrace the negative comments. Could you imagine a World where at the end of each lesson, the students would, in anonimity, review the teacher and give him feedback on how to teach better? Could you imagine how fantastic that World would be? How much better our schools would be?

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As a human being, we need to develop is a thick skin for criticism. Yes, it sucks to read that your lesson is boring, but YOU NEED TO READ THAT! Seriously! It's healthy! I will tell you the truth about people right now:

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"People do not want to hurt your feelings. People are mostly good."

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That's why for me it's a waste of time asking most of my friends for feedback. They are too kind. They like me. They don't want to hurt my feelings. They want to make me feel good. I need the "truth". That's what makes me grow as musician and as person. I love my family because they are honest on their feedback and they tell me things I don't want to hear. That is important.

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Never run away from criticism. Do the exact opposite. Engage with the haters. Talk with them, empathize with them, put yourself in their skin. Why do they hate your music? Go inside their mind. Do not go into artistic isolation and shut yourself down to the world. Communicate with the world. Engage in dialogue. Face the adversity. Learn with it. Society will thank you for this effort.

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"What about destructive comments who are only to make you feel bad and push you down?"

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My question to you is: Why do people want to make you feel bad? What have you done to deserve such hatred from the people? Are you sure it's not just a fantasy inside your mind? Comments don't put you down. You put yourself down! That's the truth! I could read the negative comments from the first group, enter into a state of depression and blame the kids, but that would be stupid. If they were adults instead of kids, that would still be stupid! Nobody wants to harm you. People are just being honest and telling you what you don't want to hear. 

 

You can use the negative comments for growth or for depression. It's a choice.

 

It's your choice.

 

Which choice are you going to make?